The strange story of money in my life

Ever since I completed my doctoral studies, I have been plagued by a persistent apprehension: the fear of financial instability. Initially, it was really crippling because people were questioning my choice to become a novelist, mainly with good intentions, but I could also sense that some were trying to discredit me. But as time has passed, I've learned to value the privilege I've been given. To begin with, art and opulence frequently do not coincide, at least during its initial years. It requires a significant amount of patience and time to create something.

As I was in Delhi pursuing my higher studies, I knew without questioning what I had to do. I knew I needed to work, primarily to support my ostentatious lifestyle of wearing brand-new clothes whenever I uploaded a picture of myself. I was aware that the sole validation for my years of diligent study and hard work was the possession of a luxurious lifestyle, which was characterized by opulent homes, luxurious cars, and captivating holiday photographs. It was materials mostly, and that was all that my young mind could think of to show as the fruits of my education.

Now, going back about two decades in my memory, it is almost clear to me that ever since I fell in love with hearing stories and then reading them, I wanted to create stories of my own. Despite my diminished capabilities, I tried, and the struggle persisted ever since until I finished my studies. My time and energy were mostly focused on my studies, and my passion for writing stories frequently took a back seat. It was always clear to me that I aspired to write and produce works that were as beautiful as those of the authors I admired. However, my that aspiration of mine was never realized. There was always an exam to take, an assignment to complete, and, upon the completion of my education, I was aware that I needed to secure employment, which would serve as the ultimate validation of my education. I could perceive the end of my dream even before I could comprehend it in its entirety.

I was then introduced to the love of my life. In retrospect, our paths crossing seems almost a cosmic occurrence that allowed me to realize all of my dreams and truly start to understand their significance. He had accomplished remarkable feats and travelled the world, yet his perspective on material possessions was quite unconventional. Ever since we decided to be a part of each other's lives, he began inspiring me to sit down and write, to finish the novel I had always dreamed of writing. He was initially understated, but he subsequently became exceedingly emphatic, to the extent that I found him peculiar. My imagination was frequently restrained by my persistent apprehension regarding finances. Subsequently, during the initial lockdown of the COVID-19 pandemic, I composed the initial draft of my debut novel. There was an inexplicable joy in creating something, and somehow, like a song in my dreams that was suddenly being whispered by everything around me, I started to realize what I had been dreaming all along. However, the issue of finances served as an impediment to my aspiration to devote myself entirely to writing.

One smart move I made during my quarter-century life was to save the money I received from scholarships and my PhD fellowship. My partner's savings and my own, which were, I must say, pretty substantial, gradually came together like pieces of a puzzle, and we decided to purchase a farm and construct a home together. We decided it would be like our baby. Soon my PhD was over, and by then I was certain I wanted to write novels. Yet, the fear of money lingered. However, this time, I was certain I wanted to chase my dreams over everything else. Now that I had tasted the joy of it, I was greedy for more. Over time, as I began finishing my novels, the people who truly matters to me began understanding my dream, and there was nothing that could stop me. I am currently in the process of writing my sixth novel while I await the publication of my first novel. This poses an additional challenge, and I have resolved to concentrate more on the writing process than on the publishing aspect for the moment.

Here I am now, with a PhD degree, and five complete unpublished novels, and nothing to truly show for my achievements but for the story of me owning a farm with my partner and a house we built with our resources at thirty-two. Regretfully, this is of little significance to those who judge people by their monthly income. I continue to receive snide remarks from individuals who are unable to comprehend that I sustain my lifestyle with the minuscule interest from our savings. They fail to understand that it is possible to be content with limited liquid money. “What is the point of a PhD if he never wanted a job?” “One doesn't need a degree to write!” I try not to heed the remarks of those people who have not read a single novel in their lives. Given that their minds are preoccupied with the notion of an individual's worth based on their earnings, they are unable to appreciate the value of experiences and the wisdom that can be gained through those experiences, where education can serve as a significant tool.

Is it bad to be ambitious about money? Is it bad to earn a lot of money, or to dream of it? No. The answer is no. Nevertheless, the acquisition of wealth necessitates the capacity to discern the point at which it transitions from being a means to an end to becoming a person's identity. Although the scare lingers in my mind, as I hope that my dedication to my writing shall also help me experience the joy of earning some money out of it, I have learnt to manage my aspirations within whatever resources I have.

I can envision money assuming the shape of a new religion, and it is not money that is necessary to the extent that it can bring happiness, but rather money that is one's master and demands expansion every day. No amount of it is ever enough. Of all the dangers this perilous concept has brought about, I believe it has diminished the value of education the most, which has now amplified other social problems. While there are deficiencies in our educational system, it is impossible to disregard the significance of education in the uplifting of our communities. If it weren't for education, my dreams would have died in the village where I was raised. Yet, an entire generation is now convinced there is no value in education and are now being sucked into the machineries of making easy money through social media and prostitution. There is nothing wrong with either of them, but the worry is that they are clueless because all they can see is the money that is coming their way.

We do need to understand the true worth of money and allow it to be what it truly is—an instrument to help us reach our goals. Once we reach where we wanted to be all our lives, we must have the wisdom not to be greedy, not to let money suck us into its bottomless spiral wherein we earn money and spend money until the day we die, where the little joys of life become archaic, and we do not know one single moment of true joy, of true love, of true contentment, of true pride in what we have achieved and how far we have already come.